Monday, June 16, 2014

Poem: Venting Session ( Father's Day)

Venting Session ( Father's Day)

By: Joi Maree Flowers

My first love should have been my Father
But instead was my Soul Mate

Left behind because I didn't fit into his time
Forgotten about when I should have been a constant reminder
About the blessing God sent to him through me

I felt alone at times
Worried that maybe it was me who caused the riff
Because maybe to him I was an inconvenience
Rather than a welcomed joy

But I grew and I lived
Without his presence
Though sometimes I cried at night because I knew others that were not without
That which I was
And became angered in moments when I thought of the reasons as to why he was absent which he gave to me
When I decided to reach out the hand to him he should have long ago extended to me
Only to receive a weak grip which only confirmed that his exit was a blessed received gift

And in return I tried to erase the few memories I once remembered of him in good times
1 or 2 but no more
Seeing that he didn't deserve any place in my thoughts

But it's hard to erase someone who could never be forgotten
Someone who should in essence be loved and held in a space a soul mate should only receive access to with his permission
Because the pedestal he would place me on would be too high to reach and see and guarded by ironed gates
Someone who should have attributed to my becoming of the woman I became without him

This Fatherless child who yearned for her Father to be her Father

Instead I received the blessing of "Father-Like" men who embraced me as their own
Those honored Men who taught me what he of my own blood line neglected to stay around to teach me

His Daughter

But that wasn't the way it was suppose to happen
But it did
And although the void of him in me remains
I am grateful for the blessings that God gave unto me in his absence

I am grateful that I became who I am by God's grace without the presence of him

Never looking for him in potential mates
Never carrying him in my baggage to unload his clothing onto someone I hoped to be him

Because truthfully they could never be

I am grateful that although I never learned how to love a man from him
God's destined plan sent me a man
Who I
Without hesitation
Gave the permission he should have given him to receive access to my heart

A Man who I have become one with
Am growing with
And enjoying life with
And am blessed to know that someday
He'll be the Father to our children that mine never was to me

He will be our Daughters first love

Not their Soul Mates

As mine was

And that alone rains peace upon me

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